Ways I Tried To Drown Out My Restless Mind Today

• Listening to the same album on repeat for my entire work shift.
• Installing and removing the same hard drive in a computer twice.
• A brisk one-mile walk during my 7:00 dinner break.
• Driving fast with loud music and the crisp evening breeze whipping through my hair.
• Eating a lot of potato salad and ice cream.

Nada. Some days, your mind and heart are determined to be in a funk and you can’t stop it. Even when you had a productive morning, wrote and shared some meaningful words, your team won the World Series, it’s 73 degrees in November, you’re on the cusp of being offered an opportunity you’ve wanted for ages, and you’re having a good hair day.

Some days you need to question if you’re still moving forward or if you’ve started sliding backward. Some days you need to admit that if you had one shot at Eternal Sunshining something, it would be last summer. Some days, you need to ask what ifs until you’re blue in the face — what if I get to where I’ve wanted to be, and I’m still empty? What if God isn’t listening, isn’t intimately involved? What if I made the wrong choice? What if I’m always too difficult to love? What if this brokenness never fades?

What if, what if, what if…?

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